A Heavy Heart...

Well, I had every intention of sharing how I managed to finally organize 5 years of paperwork in 3 hours last week, but I just can't. I have no words. My heart hurts and I don't feel merry or ecstatic like I was when I completed my project last Thursday.

I'm not sure why this photo, but seeing it somehow made me realize how real this unspeakable tragedy is.

Even posting it is making me cry. I just don't understand. How could there be that kind of evil? I think that the scariest thing is is that you promise to protect your children with the fierceness of tiger and then something like this happens and you realize that maybe you can't. It makes me want to cling to them and never let them out of my sight. I know that's not healthy, but what's a mom to do? 

I pray so hard for all the families affected. Now, and in the future. I want our world to not be this kind of a place, but the reality is...that it is. 

I know that there's good in the world too and I'm trying to focus on that and teach my children that there's always good guys and to be the change you want to see in the world - it's just so hard when I don't even want to let them out of the house. 

I'm sorry, I'm a rambling mess, I just can't seem to write the words that are in my heart.

I make a conscious effort each morning and night to spend time thanking God for the things I'm most thankful for (my health, family, so so many things) and this tragedy has just flooded me with so many emotions, thankfulness, sorrow, utter disbelief and so many more that I can't even express.

No matter what your life is like right now, I assure you it's better than the families in CT and what they're going through right now. Be thankful for every second you have with the ones you love. Never take them for granted. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Your in my prayers, Sandy Hook.

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