My Journey Back to Faith

I planned on sharing some more before and after's of the house but, felt compelled to share something that's been on my heart (and in a draft post) for a while now. I've never shared this part of my life partially because I think I was embarrassed and also a little afraid of being judged when I make the inevitable misstep.

I've been working on my spiritual growth over the past few months but, just didn't feel God's presence. I'm a Christian, I went to Christian schools for many years and I believe His Word to be true from my very core. God is all around us, every second of every day, in every thing. I absolutely know and believe that with every ounce of my being but, how do I reflect that in my actions and make it my heart? How do I take that and have it make a difference in my life? That is where I was struggling.

My heart didn't feel whole.

The hubs says that he feels God speak to him and all he does is listen and act. Um, #excuseme what. I want that! I want God to talk to me and I listen. I knew I needed to really pursue Christ to be the kind of wife and mother I want to be (and the one God wants me to be). Not just say but, act. Like really live my life chasing His will. Fulfilling His purpose for me. Letting Him transform my heart, thoughts and actions. It's almost like I would hear God speaking to me and then kind of resist it when it was something I didn't want to hear. A good friend told me that often times we view our relationship with God like we view the one with our actual father - and that made a whole...whole lot of sense to me. I've always been one to think that I know better, that despite what someone (anyone) tells me, I'm gonna do it my way. Even if I know they're right and I'm wrong. I have to learn the hard way which, has caused me a lot of pain, heartache and tangled feelings that I've had to work through over the years.

As #craycray as it sounds, PowerSheets are what have helped me connect the dots. Helped me create some action items that will help me build that deeper relationship with God that I desire and truly transform my heart. I reached out to a friend and asked for her advice. This is someone I have seen grow in incredible ways and she has had such an impact on me as a wife, mother and so much more. She had many words of wisdom and her words of truth and encouragement were what really pushed me into taking action on changing those empty feelings I was having.

After I spent a few days praying (as best as I know how) reflecting on what I want my life to look like, what kind of family I want to raise and what kind of wife, mother, friend and person I want to be, I had 5 areas of focus.

1. Faith
2. Husband
3. Children 
4. Others 
5. Self

I've learned that my brain seems to work best in a compartmentalized manner (which is reinforced by the time management/organizational system that I'm using. Seriously, amazing. I'll share more about that in the next couple weeks) and when I write things down. Seems to be the only way that things really sink in. 

From this larger goal, you're asked to break it down into an Action Plan that included listing the Why and How. This forced me to form and refine my purpose and put it on paper. One of the biggest things I've learned from Advocare is the importance of having a solid purpose so, I really embraced this exercise. 

My Goal:

• I want to know God's heart through reading the Bible and devotionals (Jesus Calling) start to finish this year and through prayer. I want to seek and align His will with my daily activities, thoughts and actions. I want to ACT on His will and teachings.

My Why:

• Because my family needs me to do this more than they need me to do anything. I don't want God to have to teach me the hard way to get me to listen. It's the only way to fill the void in my heart and accomplish every and any other goal I set. I want Him to know that I treasure His blessings and grace through my thoughts and actions, not just my words. Words mean nothing if your behaviors and actions don't align. My boys teach me that every day. They learn by seeing. I want to earn their respect.

My How:

• Finding a church and asking God for the guidance and discipline to do this - I'm honestly embarrassed to admit that we don't go to church. I always felt like you didn't need to go to church to be a good person and a strong Christian but, as it turns out, there are several verses here that talk about the importance of going to church and why. My girlfriend also said that it's important to pray about it and find a one where God wants you to serve - not just where they have casual dress code and a great daycare/kids program (not that I even thought...or maybe even mentioned that those were my criteria to her. Nope. Definitely didn't do that). 

• Reading Jesus Calling each morning before checking any social media - this was a hard one for me. Again, embarrassing but, I'm working on it.
• Being still, spending time with God and praying throughout the day - it's weird. I feel like I don't know how to pray. What do I say? How do I become disciplined and focused so that my mind doesn't wander? I'll start praying and it's like I'm not really there. This is a big focus for me because I think prayer takes practice.  
• Getting rid of distractions that keep me from this - I unfollowed a lot of people/groups on Facebook and Instagram that weren't positive or fully in line with my values (ex. Someecards, certain fitness accounts on IG, etc.). I've also set some technology boundaries. My phone is a slippery slope. I found myself checking FB, IG, etc. habitually. Kid #1 calls my phone my camera because I'm always taking pictures with it and not too long ago he said to me, "mommy, QUIT LOOKING AT YOUR CAMERA! LOOK AT ME!!" I now am only on my computer or phone (for anything except something regarding the husband or kids) before they get up, when they're at school, or when they're napping. It's been really hard because I love being available to my Advocare people/team all the time, but it just didn't align with my core, nor my priorities so, I've had to set some boundaries. 

I think that my Spiritual journey is much like my health and fitness journey. I had to get to a point where I wanted and needed change and was willing to do the work to make it happen. 

God put things, like Advocare and my friend, Danielle, in my life to give me the tools, support and mentorship that I needed to truly transform my life. It's been an amazing journey so far and I am so excited to live the life that God is calling me to and fulfilling His purpose for me. 

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Work-at-Home Moms

Taking a little break from recipes and food stuff to share some ideas for the work-at-home-moms. Came across a post from Stewardship.com and God knew I needed it. I've been having a tough time lately serving with love. I LOVE staying at home and everything that comes with it and and I love that I've been able to continue to do so AND contribute significantly with the financial (and countless others) blessing of Advocare, but there are days where it is still really tough to stay home and work part-time with two (soon to be three) young ones. 

I felt so overwhelmed with the little ones, being pregnant, being a wife, cooking healthy meals for my family and everything else it takes to run a household. I felt like I was spinning my wheels. I was mentally exhausted and never sat down, but never felt like I got anything done. I called my sweet husband bawling because it was three hours past the kids' naptime and they were still fighting it. "What am I doing wrong here?!" It was a string of a few bad days and I know that it was me, not them, not anything else...me. 

I knew I just had my priorities all out of whack. I was so focused on trying to get our house ready to sell, the demands of life that every person experiences and distracting myself from doing household chores (and telling Breaker 'no' for the 15,987th time that day), that I let my relationship with God fall down to the bottom of the list and it was very apparent in my thoughts and actions. 

I knew I had my priorities in the wrong order and a few weeks later, a friend sent me this post. It was just what my heart and mind needed. 

Recalibration and a guideline for how to get some intention back into my days. Please head over there and read the entire thing for yourself, but here are the CliffsNotes.

1. Create a Schedule
2. Establish Boundaries to Eliminate Distractions (this one is really hard for me!)
3. Find Reliable Childcare
4. Let Go of Something (for me, it's been TV but, it should be Facebook...)
5. Don't Compromise Sleep
6. Hold a Weekly Planning Meeting
7. Get Out of the House (Network, Nurture Friendships, Etc. Advocare has been HUGE for me in this area. Have such a great group of girlfriends because of it.)

Creating a schedule has allowed me to put my relationship with God back at the top, which has given me the strength, energy and grace I need to get through this season of life. It's an incredible one, but whew, it definitely tests you. This blog gives me a lot of strength and I turn to it often when I'm feeling a little mentally or spiritually worn down. It's really things like THIS and THIS that remind me what life is really all about. 

I think we're all (hopefully) on a path of continual improvement. Having a family and being a part of such an amazing Advo-family has challenged me personally in ways I couldn't have imagined five years ago. I hope that you find these resources as moving and helpful as I have.

What are you guys reading/doing to fill up your tanks and accomplish all of your goals? 

Love to hear it! 

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A Heavy Heart...

Well, I had every intention of sharing how I managed to finally organize 5 years of paperwork in 3 hours last week, but I just can't. I have no words. My heart hurts and I don't feel merry or ecstatic like I was when I completed my project last Thursday.

I'm not sure why this photo, but seeing it somehow made me realize how real this unspeakable tragedy is.

Even posting it is making me cry. I just don't understand. How could there be that kind of evil? I think that the scariest thing is is that you promise to protect your children with the fierceness of tiger and then something like this happens and you realize that maybe you can't. It makes me want to cling to them and never let them out of my sight. I know that's not healthy, but what's a mom to do? 

I pray so hard for all the families affected. Now, and in the future. I want our world to not be this kind of a place, but the reality is...that it is. 

I know that there's good in the world too and I'm trying to focus on that and teach my children that there's always good guys and to be the change you want to see in the world - it's just so hard when I don't even want to let them out of the house. 

I'm sorry, I'm a rambling mess, I just can't seem to write the words that are in my heart.

I make a conscious effort each morning and night to spend time thanking God for the things I'm most thankful for (my health, family, so so many things) and this tragedy has just flooded me with so many emotions, thankfulness, sorrow, utter disbelief and so many more that I can't even express.

No matter what your life is like right now, I assure you it's better than the families in CT and what they're going through right now. Be thankful for every second you have with the ones you love. Never take them for granted. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Your in my prayers, Sandy Hook.

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{Must Read for Mama's} Seriously the sweetest, most heart wrenching letter.

I came across this post about creating 'First Day of School' traditions. It really caught me off-guard as I was expecting to see some insanely difficult and perfectly created craft that only Martha Stewart could accomplish. Instead, I found an incredibly sweet and touching tradition that I cannot wait to start with each of my children - I say that - who am I kidding. I'm going to be that mom bawling on the front steps of the school everyday for the first year of Kindergarten. But I digress.

You can find the original post here at MomastryTM

Here's the 'tradition' that this mom has. She says that you can use this letter verbatim (obviously changing out the name) or tweak it to your heart's desire to suit your family and child(ren) best.

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Dear Chase,

Hey, baby.
Tomorrow is a big day. Third Grade – wow. 

Chase – When I was in third grade, there was a little boy in my class named Adam.

Adam looked a little different and he wore funny clothes and sometimes he even smelled a little bit. Adam didn’t smile. He hung his head low and he never looked at anyone at all. Adam never did his homework. I don’t think his parents reminded him like yours do. The other kids teased Adam a lot. Whenever they did, his head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased him, but I never told the other kids to stop, either.

And I never talked to Adam, not once. I never invited him to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, he sat and played by himself. He must have been very lonely.

I still think about Adam every day. I wonder if Adam remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked him to play, just once, he’d still remember me. 

I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.

So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one.

Baby, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a part of your heart will hurt a little. Your daddy and I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, we want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Chase! Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help! Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you.

Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away.

Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.

Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’s team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together. 

When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Adam. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Adam could have used a friend and I could have, too.

Chase – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if the girls think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most Pokemon cards or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.

We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.

We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.

Kind people are brave people. Brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.

Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important.

Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.

Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.

Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky boy . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year.

I love you so much that my heart might explode.

Enjoy and cherish your gifts.

And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time.

Love,

Mama
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As someone who what bullied a lot growing up, this brought tears to my eyes. As I thought about all the times I was made fun of for being tall, awkward, whatever - it just brought back those awful feelings that I hope no child has to feel. I know that many kids do and it just breaks my heart. My kids will never, ever be bullies and I'm going to make damn sure of that. They will learn compassion, kindness and respect for all of God's children - no matter what they look, sound...or smell like. I wish more parents taught their kids these lessons - the world would be a better place.

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My Little Runaway

Well, it happened. Something that I thought would nevvvvver happen to me. I lost my child in the store today. This only happens to neglectful parents, not me. See, here we are, before 'the incident'.

Ok, this clearly isn't me and my little guy, but I liked her hair. The kid's sweater is a little questionable, but whatever. 

Anyways, I LOST MY KID AT THE STORE. *Sigh* How did this happen? He was being so good holding my hand - and then bam. Gone. Trying to sprint after a VERY fast little 2 year old while pushing a cart with your 6 month old in a car seat in it is not an easy task - amusing for someone to watch I'm sure, but not easy nonetheless. 

After what seemed like hours, I found my little stink and he greeted me with an adorable "Hi Mommy". Like nothing ever happened. Well, if there was ever a judgmental look cast in that place - it was today - and it was at me. I spanked his little butt, put him in the cart and went straight home. With all 3 of the 100 items I had came for. Great.

The ride home was a piece of cake for him. Pointing out all the cool trucks and planes in the sky. Meanwhile, my nostrils were flaring like an enraged bull and my blood was boiling. After I regained some composure I called one of the best moms know and asked her for advice. She told me it had happened to her once (oh, thank heavens I'm not the only one) before. She said that I should sit him on his bed and tell him what he did wrong, why mommy was so upset and he was to sit there until I told him he could get up. He knew he was in trouble and was being extra sweet - making it that much harder for me to discipline him (although, after reading Dr. Dobson's Dare to Discipline I've learned that discipline is love). It's still not easy for me though. It's something I have to learn how to do - it's not something that comes naturally, that's for sure. I think it's from growing up with not ever knowing my own boundaries, but that's a discussion for another day for sure.

So, after tanning his little hide in the store and putting him in his room for a hour until he ended up falling asleep and explaining to him what he did wrong and why I was so upset, did I do the right thing? Will he do it again? I can't help but wonder if it's him being defiant or just a 2-year old little boy.

In either case, what's a girl to do? Well - what any self-respecting mom would. I strapped a leash on him and headed back to the store for redemption.

It was definitely a better trip - mostly because he was either confined to the cart or attached to me by a leash. He did pull a 'dead fish' a couple of times and I had to resist the urge to drag him down the aisle, but I persevered. I'm not really sure how to test him, since I don't want to lose him again and judging from the performance of the staff the last time it happened, I wouldn't have any help catching him.

It all boils down to discipline and sometimes I feel like I have no clue what I'm doing. I think discipline and consistency is one of, if not the hardest aspects of parenting. I'm reading some books about handling your child and his temperament with positive guidance that I'm hoping will help keep me headed in the right direction.

In the meantime, this will just have to do.

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Home Management Binder

It's taken me awhile to figure out a system that works for me. I've tried several and I've finally found one that works for me and the fam.

Enter The Home Management Binder.........

The majority of 'the guts' of it have come from one of my favorite bloggers Becky, over at Clean Mama. She has a wonderful assortment of super handy printables in her Etsy shop that have really helped me get things in order and keep it that way. The cover and my finance checklist came from another favorite blogger, Jen Jones over at IHeart Organizing and her Etsy shop.

I went with the Starter Kit from Clean Mama and subbed out the Budget and Bill Pay Kit for the Home Maintenance Kit. Mostly to keep up with all the paint colors in our house. I think we have successfully used every color in the gray spectrum from Sherwin Williams.

I write down each day's 'to-do's' the night prior to and transfer over anything I thought of that day to do the next. It's been super helpful in keeping me on track and making sure I get done what I really need to get done. I have could spend HOURS on Pinterest and blogs so, I need a guidepost to help keep me on track. I love the daily planner for this. 

I have a ton of other sheets in my binder that I refer to weekly, monthly, etc. but this is the one I use every day. The Busy Mama Kit is great too. Mostly for the shopping list. I'm sure you could make something like this yourself, but this one was so pretty :)

I also use the plastic dividers with pockets to stash stuff and a zippy 3-ring bag in the front to hold pens, stamps, etc. I also keep extra pages (to-do, calendar, shopping list, etc.) in a plastic envelope in the back for quick refills. 

Overall, I love, love, love this system. It puts everything at my fingertips and helps keep me, the bills, and the whole family on track. If you don't have a system in place, I highly recommend trying something like this out!

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